A Loving Husband
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.
The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
Intelligent Women
There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a real
miser when it came to his money.
He loved money more than just about anything.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen. When I die, I want you to
take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
He made her promise with all her heart that when he died,
she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black,
and her friend was sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket,
the wife said, "Wait just a minute!' She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
So her friend said,
"Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband!"
She said, "Listen, I'm a Christian. I can't go back on my word. I promised him that
I was gonna put that money in that casket with him.
"You mean to tell me you really put that money in the casket with him!!!!?
"I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a check."
Never Underestimate The Intelligence of a Woman
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying
that I approved of it."
--- Mark Twain
Married Couple
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other.
When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night.
A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most.
"When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for
the rest of your life!"
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs,
and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket.
After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group
to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried?
that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up
and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?
The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the jerk dig. I had him buried upside down."
Back to Top
Forgiveness
The preacher's, Sunday sermon was Forgive Your Enemies.
He asked, how many have forgiven their enemies?
About half held up their hands.
He then repeated his question.
Now about 80% held up their hands.
He then repeated his question again.
All responded, except one elderly lady.
"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" asked the preacher.
"I don't have any." she replied.
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" asked the preacher.
"Ninety-three." she replied.
"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the world." asked the preacher.
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, and said,
"It's easy, I just outlived all those bitches."
Back to Top
|
Seniors &
Funerals
