|
Texas
 |
||
|
|
|
|
|
|
"...idiots, imbeciles, aliens, the insane and women."
---A law standing in Texas until 1918 regulating who could not vote. Wishful ThinkingA Texan and his wife were on a trip to New York. She had just finished showering to dress for dinner and noticed that she had neglected to pack her bras.She asked her husband to go down to the dress shop in the lobby and pick up a couple of 36-C bras. He said, "Ah'l go down raht now." 
So he put on his ten gallon hat and went to the shop.
The saleslady said, "May I help you sir?" When he told her that he wanted two 36-C bras, she asked, "Would you like two Playtex?" He answered, "Ah'd luv ta little lady, but mah wife's a'waitin fer me up in the room."
In Texas, "feminie protection" means a concealed, pink,
Glock 9 mm.
---Dan Partisan Fish StoryOn a tour of Texas, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the ocean for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in his car when there was a frantic commotion just off the shore.A helpless man wearing an orange and white University of Texas jersey and hat was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark. As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing crimson and cream University of Oklahoma jerseys. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark`s side. The other two reached out and pulled the mauled, bleeding and semiconscious Texan from the water. Then, using long clubs, the three beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat. Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there were some bitter hatreds between OU and Texas, but now I have seen with my own eyes that is not true." As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies "Who was that?" "It was the Pope," one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom."  "Well," the harpooner said "he may have access to God's wisdom but he doesn't know diddly about shark fishing... is the bait holding up okay or do we need to get another one?" Aggie NativityHow come Texas A&M couldn't put on a nativity scene?Because they couldnt find three wise men or a virgin!
Lesson In MathThe owner of a golf course in Texas was confused about paying an invoice.He decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office. He said, "You graduated from the University of Texas, and I need some help". "If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought for a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings." |
|
||