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Ozark Style?Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Southwest MO is planning to do its own, entitled "Survivor: Ozark Style." The contestants will start in Springfield, travel up to Clinton and on to Harrisonville. From there they will head down to Joplin and over to Monett. They will then proceed down to Ft. Smith and Little Rock. Then back up through Van Buren, to Fayetteville over to Sparta, Ozark, Nixa and back to Springfield. Each will be driving a pink Volvo with New Jersey license plates and large bumper stickers that read: . I'm a Vegetarian ... NASCAR Sucks .. Go Yankees ... Smoking is for Idiots .... Hillary in 2004 ... Deer Hunting is Murder ... or ... I'm Here to Confiscate Your Guns! The first one to make it back to Springfield ALIVE, wins.'You Might Be...You might be a redneck if....you think the last words of the ''Star Spangled Banner'' are ''Gentlemen! Start your engines!''
Q: What does a 12 year old hillbilly girl say when she's losing her virginity? A: "Get off me, dad! You're crushing my cigarettes!" Q: What has 99 legs & 49 teeth? A: The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.  Q. How can we tell that the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia? A. Had it been invented elsewhere, it would have been called a "teethbrush." Q: What is the definition of a hillbilly virgin? A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers. Q: What's the difference between trash and white trash? A: Absolutely nothing. They both drive around in dump trucks, smell like shit, and get more and more rotten each day. Biggest Pee PeeThere were three boys all in third grade: an Asian boy, a Spanish boy and a redneck. They were trying to think of games to play at recess when the Asian boy got an idea."I know," he said, "we can play, ‘Who's Got the Biggest Pee Pee’".   "It's easy'' said the Spanish boy, "we can play it next recess." So when recess time came, the three boys went outside. "Alright," said the Spanish boy, "Lets play." The Asian boy explained that all you have to do is pull down your pants and whoever has the biggest pee pee is the winner. And so the Asian boy pulled down his pants and the other two boys were impressed. Then the Spanish boy pulled down his pants. His pee pee was about the same size as the Asian boy's. As the redneck boy pulled his pants down, the other two boys stared in awe. "You win for sure," they both said. Later that day the redneck boy went home and his mother asked him, "So did you make any new friends today?" "Yup. I played this game called ‘Who's Got the Biggest Pee Pee’ and the other boys said I won because I'm a redneck." His mother laughed and replied, "No sweetie, you won because you're 23." Country Western SingersHow many country/western singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?Five. One to take out the old one and four to sing about how much they are going to miss it. |
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