"THE EAR"

An old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached
the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, may we help you?"
"There's something wrong with my penis," he replied.
The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. What You should have said is there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then reentered.
The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had
taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"
"I can't pee out of it," the man replied.

How Well Are You Doing?

I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him,
"Do you think I'll live to be 80?"
He asked, "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer?"
"Oh no", I replied, "I've never done either."
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and bar-b-qued ribs?
I said, "No, I've heard that all "red meat" is very unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf?" he asked.
"No I don't," I said.
He said, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or fool around with sexy women?"
"No," I said, "I've never done any of those things."
He look at me and said, "Then why in hell do you want to live to be 80?

Cough medicine...

The cold season is upon us, so be careful what you take!!!!
Read and heed:
So, the owner of this drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against the wall.
The owner asks the clerk "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" and the clerk goes "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough.
I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative." and the owner goes "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!" and the clerk goes "Of course you can!
Look at him; he's afraid to cough!"