A Man Named Murphy
A secret agent was sent to Ireland to pick up some very sensitive information from an agent called Murphy.
His instructions were to walk around town using a code phrase until he met his fellow agent.
He found himself on a desolate country road and finally ran into a farmer.
"Hello, said the agent, "I'm looking for a man called Murphy."
"Well you're in luck," said the farmer, "as it happens, there's a village right over the hill, where there's a butcher called Murphy, the baker is named Murphy, three widows are called Murphy. In fact my name is Murphy."
"Aha," thought the agent, "here's my man."
So he whispered the secret code. "The sun is shining...the grass is growing...the cows are ready for milking."
"Oh," said the farmer, "you're looking for Murphy the spy - he's in the village over the other direction."
Hot Dogs
Two Irish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other,
"I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well
do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to
a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both
hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry
over to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
The mother superior is
first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment,
leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously: "What part did you get?"
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Firing Squad
An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman were due to face a firing squad.
The Englishman was first to be lined up against the wall.
As the soldiers raised their rifles and took aim he shouted "Avalanche!".
The soldiers instinctively turned around to look and by the time they realized it was a hoax,
the Englishman had made his escape.
The Scotsman prepared to meet his doom. Just as the soldiers raised their rifles and took aim,
he suddenly shouted "Flood!".
Again, they turned around to see what the problem was and by the time
they realized it was a hoax, the Scotsman had escaped.
Finally, the Irishman had to face the music, but he was greatly impressed by his cunning colleagues
and was determined to come up with a similar diversion.
So as the soldiers raised rifles and aimed, he shouted "Fire!"
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Elephant
An Irishman went to London for a visit to the zoo. While there, he saw a man
with an elephant act.
The man claimed the elephant could look at person and
tell that person's age.
The Irishman was very skeptical and said so, in no
uncertain terms.
The man had the elephant look at a small boy and the
elephant stamped its foot 9 times.
"Is that right?" he asked the boy.
"Oh yes." the boy said.
The Irishman was very loud, in his not
believing that this was true.
The man asked the elephant to tell the ages of
several people, and each time the elephant stamped his foot and the
people said he was correct.
The Irishman got even louder and more
abusive toward the man.
Finally the man could take it no longer and wagered
the Irishman that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age.
The
Irishman took him up on the wager.
The elephant looked real close at the
Irishman, turned around, raised his tail and cut wind like you wouldn't
believe, turned back around and stomped his foot twice. Whereupon
the Irishman stumbled back and with a sound of disbelief in his voice cried,
"BeGabbers, he's right! Farty-two!"
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