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IDIOTS AT WORK:
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed.
When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt.
My colleagues and I recently received this email from the
facilities department: "Due to construction, your office
may be either cooler or warmer than usual on Tuesday.
Please dress accordingly."
Roofers
So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
Two guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile,
when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their
ladder.
 "I
have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you
down, and then you can pick up the ladder."
"What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea.
I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the
beam of light."
"What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn
off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: too many deer were being hit by cars and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.
I was trying to mow the lawn before my husband got home from
work, but our electric lawn mower refused to cooperate. It
would run fine for a few seconds, then cut off, run again,
cut off. Finally, I gave up and waited for my husband.
He had a good laugh when he diagnosed the problem. Instead
of plugging in the mower using a three-prong adapter, I had
hooked up the cord through the Christmas-tree light blinker.
The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his
children and immediately started to assemble it with all the
neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it.
After several hours of reading the directions, attempting
to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and
called u pon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard.
The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in
a short while had the set completely assembled.
It's beyond me," said the father, "how you got it together
without even reading instructions."
"To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read,
and when you can't read, you've got to think."
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
She's Right!
A Colleague was having a hard time operating her desk-top computer.
It was apparent that she had reached the end of her patience when she muttered at the screen,
"I know one thing. If I had a glass face like you do, I'd sure behave better."
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What was NPR thinking when they hired this genius?
Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the
other day and you have to read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns
and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws this is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General
Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly
dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended.
Search
I was addressing some mail when I noticed that my card file
of frequently used addresses was missing. Thinking it must
have fallen from my typing table into the wastebasket, I
called the office janitor.
"I've lost my Rolodex," I told him. "It may have been picked
up with the trash. Is there any way you could find it?"
He said he would conduct a search. When the janitor informed
me he had searched every trash container for my Rolodex, with
no luck, I thanked him for his trouble.
As I left work that evening, the janitor met me at the door.
"Good night," he said smiling apologetically. "Sorry I
couldn't find your watch."
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