Santa Pick Up Lines

Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
Wanna see my 12-inch elf?
I`ve got something special in the sack for you!
Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
I know when you`ve been bad or good...
so let`s skip the small talk!
Some of my best toys run on batteries...
(wink wink!!!)
Interested in seeing the "North Pole"?
(Well, that`s what Mrs. Claus calls it.)
I see you when you`re sleeping & you don`t wear any underwear...
Do you???
Screw the "NICE" list... I`ve got you on my "NAUGHTY" list, Babe!!!
Wanna join the "Mile High" club?

Brooklyn Style Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, Da whole house was mellow,
Not a creature was stirrin',I had a gun unda my pillow.
When up on da roof' I heard somethin' pound,
I sprung to da window, To scream, "YO! Keep it down!"

When what to my Wanderin' eyes should appear,
But dat hairy elf Vinny, and eight friggin' reindeer.
Wit' a bad hackin' cough, And da stencha burped beer,
I knew in a moment Yo, da Kringle wuz here!

Wit' a slap to dere snouts, And a yank on dere manes,
He cursed and he shouted, And he called dem by name.
"Yo Tony, Yo Frankie, Yo Sally, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie, Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!"

As I drew out my gun And hid by da bed,
Down came his boot On da top a my head.
His eyes were all bloodshot, His b.o. wuz scary,
His breath wuz like sewage, He had a mole dat wuz hairy.

He spit in my eye, And he twisted my head,
He soon let me know I should consider myself dead.
Den pointin' a fat finga Right unda my nose,
He let out some gas, And up da chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh,.....screaming,
And away dey all flew, Before he troo dem a beatin'.
But I heard him exclaim, Or better yet grump,
"Merry Christmas to all, and Bite me, ya hump