Did You Know...Santa Is A Woman

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.  Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the shopping bag.
 Even if the male Santa DID still have reindeer, he'd also have the transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
- Men can't pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen with all those elves.
- Men don't answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly."
- Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them. - Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
-I can buy the fact other mythical holiday characters are men:
Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy.
Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.
Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test.
But not Santa!!!
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Top Ten Elf Pickup Lines

1. "I'm down here"
2. Just because I've got bells on my shoes, doesn't mean I'm a sissy.
3. I was once a lawn ornament for 'NSynch. Want to meet them?
4. I can get you off Santa's naughty list.
5. I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys.
6. I'm a magical being. Can I try to make your top and bra disappear?
7. No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over at Keebler.
8. Get an eyedropper of cool-aid in me and I turn into a wild man.
9. You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig.
10. I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners!