OOPS

A blind man enters a Lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while the blind guy yells to the bartender: "Hey anyone here wanna hear a blonde joke?"
A deathly silence transcends the bar.
In a deep, husky, menacing voice, the woman next to him says: "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200lb blonde with a black belt in Karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man pauses to think, and says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Seagram's

A blonde, a brunette & a redhead walk in to a bar. The bartender asks "What can I get for you ladies".
The brunette says, "I'll have a BL".
The bartender says "BL, what's that?"
She says "Bud Light".
So he gives her a Bud Light.
The redhead says "I'll have a ML".
The bartender again says "what's a ML?"
She says "Miller Light silly". He gives her the Miller Light.
The bartender looks at the blonde and says "and what would you like?"
She says "I'll have a fifteen".
The bartender really baffled says "what the hell is a fifteen?"
The blonde turns to the bartender and says "Duh, it's a 7 & 7!"

To The Rescue

"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.
"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street. He'd been thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course and all my training came back to me in a minute."
"What did you do?" asks the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"

PUZZLES

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"
The blonde, who brought in the picture, pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"
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