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A guy walks into a bar just before closing with a
pair of jumper cables wrapped around his neck and
asks for a drink.
The bartender says, "Okay, but don't you go
starting anything."
Kinky Costume
An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink.
As the bartender set it down, he asked, 'Going to a party ?'
'Yeah,' the man answered, 'I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life.'
'But you look like Abe Lincoln.' protested the barkeep.
'That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago.'
Night Drinkers
Three vampires go into a bar. The bartender walks up to the first
one and says, "What can I get you?"
The vampire says, "I want a pint of blood."

The bartender then asks the second vampire, and he too replies that he would like a pint of
B blood.
The bartender then asks the third vampire for his drink order. The vampire
says, "I want a pint of plasma."
The bartender thinks for a minute and says, "Let me see if I've got this right. That's two bloods and
a blood light?"
Drunken Behavior
A drunk walks into a bar and says to the
bartender, "Bartender, buy everyone in the
house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the
bill."
So, the bartender does just that and hands the
man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, "I
haven't got it."
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times
then throws him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the
bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy
everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one,
and give me the bill."
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to
himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough
to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the
benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for
the house, has a drink himself and hands the
drunk a bill for $67.00.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy
up, beats the living daylights out of him, then
throws him out into the street.
The next day the same drunk walks back into the
same bar and says, "Bartender, buy every one
in the house a drink, give me the bill.
In
disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink
for me this time?"
The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too
violent when you drink."
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